Roger's Rating:

If people keep running to Red Light District with every celebrity sex tape they can find, AVN is going to have add a new category to the awards next year. It has been a number of years since we saw Pam and Tommy Lee sharing their 'private' sex life on tape. That made quite a splash and set the stage for Paris Hilton's hugely successful “One Night in Paris.” That DVD featured the heiress/model/party girl/empty head in some less than volcanic home escapades. When RLD got a hold of the footage, they pimped the hell out of it, cleaned it up, packaged it with four awesome bonus scenes and turned it into the best renting and selling title of the year. Now they have this new footage of Joanie Lauer who is best known for her days in the WWE where she wrestled as Chyna. (Hence the very clever title for this DVD.) While still a big star in wrestling, she posed for Playboy and apparently felt that enough of us would want to see her naked again. We could probably discuss a number of things at this point. The state of wrestling today and how it has driven the former Chyna and X-Pac to hawking their sex tape to make a living, the idea that somehow doing porn yourself is seen as more acceptable than actually going to a big company and having it done right or the fact that anyone who watched the WWE back in the day might think that Sean might be happier if the movie were called “One Night in X-Pac.” Those are all great discussion, but we should save them for another time. For now, we get to join Sean in China where he introduces the scenes where he goes inside “Chyna”

Sean actually does go to China, stopping at Tiananmen Square for some sight-seeing before we turn it over to the homemade sex movie. The black and white footage shots Joanie in a leather dom out fit and shots of the room seem to indicate a certain level of sophistication to this production. I'm not sure why the footage is in black and white, but I guess we should be glad that it isn't a night vision thing. She takes out his dick and starts sucking it. This portion of the movie has rather shaky camera work, but I guess it gets us in the homemade sex tape mood. She leans back and he starts eating her pussy. With the camera across the room all we get is a whole lot of footage of his back and her chin. (Not that it would be easy to avoid shots of that from any angle.) This part reminds me of that Tonya Harding video. Eventually he moves up to give her another taste of his cock before he climbs on. With her legs up on his shoulders, Sean pumps away at full speed for several minutes. There is no visible pop here, but they certainly seem to have had a great time.

After another sight-seeing trip to the Great Wall, Sean gets Joanie naked in the bathroom. He slides a finger into her pussy and then gets his mouth right down there. It's a POV shot so if you ever wanted to see what X-Pac would look like with his face buried in a pussy this is your chance. She returns the favor, licking his dick and even commenting on how big it is. (Not very, no matter what she says.) Bending over, she takes it while standing. The tight POV angle makes it a big shaky, but they are doing their best. She turns around and strokes him hard into her mouth. This looks like it may be leading to a pop, but they stop after a few minutes of blowjob. Next comes a long POV in doggy that includes a very brief bit of anal sex. The footage is really shaky here and cuts awkwardly to a popshot that seems (based on camera position and lighting) to be shot at a different time.

There are four bonus scenes on this disc which helps add to the appeal of the movie. Even if all you want to do is check out the main feature for curiosity, you can watch Tiffany Hopkins, Jasmine, Ellen Saint and Sammie Rhodes in some fantastic RLD scenes.

So where does this latest celeb sex movie leave us? Right where we started probably, not wanting to see Joanie naked, let alone fucking. I know that this is an event and that a lot of people are going to want to see this movie. That is why I think RLD was smart to pack in four really good scenes along with it. Like the Paris Hilton DVD, this is really two movies in one. You have the main feature or the “event” on one disc and a four-scene mini-comp of strokeable action on the other. (Actually I don't know what is on the second disc. They sent me only one to review.) I think the buzz around these celeb movies is coming off a bit so it's not as much of an event as it used to be. We also lose out a bit in terms of attractiveness from our star and camera work. The sex isn't well shot and reminds me of the very worst of the Pamela Anderson stuff. Is it worth a look for curiosity sake? With my head hung low I sadly admit that yes, it is worth a look for that reason. Could Joanie star in a hot sex movie? If someone we very much into women like her, I would say yes, but this isn't it. It's basically a train wreck that we have to at least peek at before getting to the really good stuff.

Copyright © Roger T. Pipe

Posted By Roger, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/5/06 1:58 PM